My greatest heroine.

Today is the 23rd of July.

I remember when I was younger, whenever this date comes along, I would draw birthday cards with a cake and a bottle of wine on the front page, as extravagant as a birthday cake and a bottle of wine could get being drawn by a kindergartner because that was what I thought would be nice.

I thought it would make you happy.

A few years passed with the same present and I stopped drawing cards for this day, I believe you deserved more than a crappy card. Instead of a card, I would pass you 10 ringgit for you to buy a pack of cigarettes. Because I couldn't buy it for you and I couldn't afford to buy you pretty clothes. I wanted to buy you something you would like. Something nice. But I didn't know what to get you. I could only give you 10 ringgit.

As I grew older, I stopped giving you 10 ringgit for cigarettes cause I wanted you to be healthier, and I could afford much more than that. It didn't have to be this same date to come along anymore.

And then there were those people, those people that told you many times, to not pamper me, to not buy me whatever I wanted when I was a child, because it will do no good, and I won't appreciate it. For years they have said the same things, without me knowing. But regardless of their many efforts, discouragements and disapprovals, you continued to pour all your love on me.

You protected me, from all of them, you didn't tell me of what they say behind my back. But I found out through other means years after when I was 10 or 11, and when I did, I felt sad, I felt hurt because I know what they said hurt you most.

It was from then on, I didn't ask for pocket money from you, I stopped asking you to buy me things, I stopped asking you to bring me to shopping malls. Every time you asked me with that worried look on your face if I had enough money for school, I will always say yes with a smile, to assure you that I do.

I didn't do all those things because I grew apart from you, I did it because I wanted them to stop hurting you with their convictions. I grew up and I wanted to protect you, cause you have always been protecting me.

I wanted to protect you. To make you happy. To make you proud.

Not long after I started high school, it had already become a time when I could bring you out for lunches and dinners. I realized, that even though you don't eat much, you would always finish whatever you ordered, because I was paying for it.

Because that's how much you loved me.

I could buy you what bag you liked, which purse you fancied, even though you sometime won't use it, but it made you happy and that's what made me happy. I would give you a certain amount every month, for you to spend and for your inhaler. It was the least I could do for you.

I remember the time I bought a gold fancy cheongsam kind of top for you to wear for mum's function. You were so proud that you showed it to the people and told them I bought it for you. You wanted to tell people that I do care for you.

That your love for me was not in vain.

In a way, what they did was a good thing, cause what they said made me realized that I needed to stop asking you to spend money on me, because I realized you needed it more than me, and that you love me so much till you'll buy whatever I wanted. It made me realize of how selfish I was for asking for all those material things when I know you cannot afford it.

It was them that made me realize how great of a person you truly were.

How you could love me without any conditions. How you love me regardless of who I was. How you could love me and put me first before anything or anyone else. How you would come all the way to me with just a phone call of me asking you to come cause I miss you. How you would spend so much of your time for me.

How you would go that extra mile for me. How you would comfort me whenever I'm down or couldn't sleep. How you would do anything for me regardless of how ridiculous or hard it was. How you still love me even though I was so uncompromising and selfish. How selfless you were.

It was them that made me realize what unconditional love is and could be.

So, I thank them, for all those unpleasant things they said. Because it made me see how important I was to you, how important you are to me, and that kept me going.

You kept me together.

You are truly an amazing soul with that unconditional love you had and for all of those things you have done for me, I want to thank you.

I love you, I miss you, always have, always will.

Happy birthday poh poh.

♥oves,

vee.